


A WORLD IN RED AND NOTHING

by bluehair



Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Angst, Brother/Brother Incest, Depression, Doom, Doomed Relationship, Feanorian drama, M/M, No Happy Ending Fest, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-06-14 04:17:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15380466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluehair/pseuds/bluehair
Summary: Doodlebutt's Amras haunted me since I've read her story, and I wanted to play with him since then. All that happens in this story is between these two paragraphs in that story:"The next morning, no-one comments on the high collar he wears or the hoarseness of his voice, and only Curufin can meet Maitimo’s eyes for more than a few seconds.**********By the time they stand outside the Havens of Sirion, Maedhros has decided that it’s no longer worth the fight."Of course, the characters do not belong to me, but to Tolkien, I'm just playing with them, without making money or anything.





	A WORLD IN RED AND NOTHING

**Author's Note:**

  * For [doodlebutt](https://archiveofourown.org/users/doodlebutt/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Amras](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5848813) by [doodlebutt](https://archiveofourown.org/users/doodlebutt/pseuds/doodlebutt). 



After the Tears, Amras returns to Nelyo's side. He had avoided their gatherings as much as possible, and of course everybody knew he was doing it – although only Curvo and the eldest knew exactly why. Well, they had tried the most to help him, which he couldn't take. But now, just like after Thangorodrim, he has the power to give his flame haired brother an anchor, something that stops him drifting into the void.

Or at least accompany him there, he thinks while watching the ramrod straight back of his brother, seeming to grow like a tree out of the unforgiving lands around them, as tall as he seemed in his own cold and unforgiving fortress. Which they lost, along with so many other things. Well, especially along with Fingon, and he knows… he knows. 

Somehow, Maedhros seems to recover – as much as Amras himself is recovered. No, he is a better actor, he keeps himself together for the benefit of the others – brothers, followers, all who don't really believe in anything else on this Arda marred. Only in the fucking jewels and in his brother.

But that surely means he's no longer needed, and they need maps again, even more than before, so Amras starts wondering again, returning for very short periods of time, because of course, as soon as his eldest is better, he starts trying to take care of him, to heal him. _Fuck no._

Still, he is caught by an unusually harsh winter in the forest dwelling his brother leads now – only Maedhros for now, because the same winter storm that trapped him here trapped everybody else in various other places. His mind tells Amras it could be so poetic if he'd still leave and freeze to death, a very interesting counterpoint, isn't it, something that makes him laugh so hard, he almost snorts the last mouthful of the berry wine through his nose. Yes, it will be so funny, he actually tries to get up – but he had too much of the treacherous drink – so fragrant and light seeming, but cutting your legs at the knees. 

He doesn't even fall – there's a strong hand supporting him, and he tries to fight it, but oh, the copper flames are covering the face, and in the scarce light he could… he could think it was Pitya, just for an hour, the darkest of the night, could he not? No, he couldn't, and in the bleak morning he curses his weakness, the tears that fell, and actually goes to saddle his horse, although the poor animal does not deserve the white inferno outside. Still, Amras enters the stable, at least to say goodbye – yes, only to his faithful stallion, and he's so very startled to find his brother there, in the shade of the stalls.

He doesn't know what to say, so he's silent, and probably the other also doesn't know what words would convince him, so he shuts up too. This goes on for a while, while he checks his mount, then starts looking into his saddle bags, trying to decide what should he take with him, what purpose they would have, what...

“Telvo, please!” Maedhros finally cracks, and this gets Amras' attention.

“What do you want of me?” he asks, seriously now, toying with the dagger he took out of the bags. 

“You act like coming here and spending time with us, with me, is the greatest punishment. I can't stand this anymore! And no, don't even say that you could just stay away!”

“And what do you want me to say then?”

“Anything I can do to help you be well, at least for a day, to see that you are not just looking longingly at the door!”

“Anything, really?”

“Yes, Telvo, anything I can give you, I would do it gladly.”

“You,” he defies, so sure it will be a deal breaker. So he's utterly surprised when his eldest brother just smiles, sad and crookedly, and inclines his head, letting heavy eyelids shade the stark and too bright eyes, then gets up and bids him come back to the house. Yes, he's so surprised that for some moments he doesn't say anything, just gets up and follows Maedhros – and then he stops.

“This is a trick,” he says, “because you think then I won't leave.”

“I don't know what you'll do,” his brother starts, not turning towards him, “and I don't dare hope. Just please, let me give you this. No conditions, I won't ask a promise of you. Just… stay today.”

He can do that – and he will take advantage of it. He's no longer drunk, and his head hurts – but that doesn't matter; it's been too long since physical pain had any meaning, and he doesn't care that the harsh wind freezes their faces before they reach the main house. Maedhros calls a servant and tells him they should not be disturbed until the morning – his oh so sensible older brother.

Yes, this makes him itch and rage, and Amras promises himself he'll utterly destroy this sensible being – because Pitya was never sensible, was he? Or maybe he was, because he left before all this got… No. Yes. Damnation.


End file.
